Before we begin this job interview at your fine establishment, you should know I carry a dark secret. No, not the felony thing. We’ve been over the felony thing- just listen, okay? The secret, my dear sir, is that I am gifted with psychic psychic powers.

How you chuckle. My my, how you chuckle.

You might question me like so many others, but as you stare deep into my eyes you’ll see your own eyes reflecting back at you, terrified, and you’ll freak out because, haha, I just stole your eyes.

Eye-stealing is just a thing us psychics do.

Am I qualified to be your new barista? No. But am I qualified to see the mysteries of fate unfold before me? Yes. Also, wait, I am totally qualified to be your new barista.
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