1. Soul Patches

The soul patch is, arguably, the most illogical of all 90's trends. The chin strap beard, while stupid, clearly said, "I do too have a chin. I outlined it in my face hair. See?" The goatee wordlessly declared, "I'm an assh*le!" So what did a soul patch say? "The only thing I follow more religiously than minor league baseball is trends involving confused displays of masculinity." If you ever had a soul patch, please take a moment to stew in your shame. If you still have a soul patch, you've got a little barbecue sauce in there.

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